As we opened up to one another, the late identified Black, Brown, and Asian Autistic women reflected on the difference they feel here compared to previous social spaces throughout their lives. “Juggling three cultures”, as one said, “and then discovering that not understanding social nuances (of neurotypicals) was actually me being an Autistic person on top of that”. 

“We can be aliens together” said another to me. We both grinned at each other through the Zoom screen. 

And that is why being around others as ‘weird’ as you is important. 

Weirdness in some Eastern cultures does not take much effort. Something like blunt talk for a Pakistani might not be as rude for an Arab, as I learned recently. Not being feminine enough in others. Cultures vary. Some are attuned to showing emotions; for some displaying emotions is being dramatic. In my case, along with many others in the SEMA group, feeling passionately (about a cause, an incident or just feeling too much) was unacceptable. Always having someone needing to keep me in check to tone it down to acceptable levels of emotions. Or the need to have a neurotypical translator to improve the language communication because I avoided ‘social niceties’. 

When I look back at a photo of a 19 year old me – in black head to toe – headscarf and abaya, with my T-Rex hand, I see the weird girl living as she wanted but slowly, slowly the cuts from people around her compounding inside. This was taken in the early 2000s, Highlands. Totally sticking out from my surroundings and oblivious to it! Even then I felt so strongly to do what I wanted and felt was right. I was difficult to ‘manage’ and maintain corrected.  

It’s only when I filtered who I interacted with that those cuts began to heal, laughing with the people who just allow me to be me, and enjoy what they get without the need to correct me, that I truly embraced and enjoyed my weirdness. Like my fellow Pakistani Muslim Autist said, for us the issue was not Islam – the faith celebrates diversity, and enforces kindness and mercy – it was South Asian culture of gendered roles that tried to fit us into rigid tick boxes and mocked us for our straightforwardness and simplicity. 

I am glad, even though at a later stage in life, we found one another and the wider Autistic community to connect and celebrate our weirdness with!